Benny Grunch and The Bunch


Song Lyrics (In alphabetical order!)
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BRAND NEW SONG FROM THE UPCOMING 2013 "12 YATS OF CHRISTMAS" DOUBLE CD!
(Click Here For More of Benny Grunch's Lyrics!)

"Santa's Got Your Personal Information"
(B. Antin) ©2013, Anzel-Anzel, BMI


Santa's gotcha' personal information. He can see ya' through ya' satellite TV station.
Reads your Christmas cards. Sees your back yard. How far away you are, and where ya' put your car.

Santa's gotcha' covered when you go shoppin'. Knows how fast ya' goin. Knows how fast ya' stoppin'.
Or walkin' through the mall; listen-up ya'll. He knows who ya' talkin' to, and who ya' gonna' call.

"Yea, Ol' Santa here knows your favorite colors. And the things ya' like to do.
I know your favorite ice cream. 'Cause"...Santa's watchin' you...ahhhh, ah ha ha haaaaa...

Santa's gotcha' personal information. He can hear ya' on ya' satellite radio station.
He knows whatcha' tweet, whatcha' oughta' eat. And when you're not lookin', he goes up and down your street.

Santa's at'cha' ATM location. Gotcha' debit cards with their confirmations.
Knows whatcha' spent; then where ya' went. Your first-pet's name and your last-accident.

"Yea, I know your favorite colors. And all the things ya' like to do.
Santa knows ya' favorite ice cream cone. On accounta'"... Santa's watchin' you...ahhh, ah ha ha haaaaa----

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...Eee-aahhhhh! (whip crack). (Note here to listener---Santa, though just a little bit creepy in this song, is definitely not taking the whip to his reindeer. He's just going "Eee-aahhhhh!", and popping his whip high above the reindeer, for a special effect. Sort of like in a Wild-West show).

---------------------Guitar solo, with surf-guitar sound----------------

Santa's gotcha' personal information.---- (surf-guitar)----He can see ya' through ya' TV on ya' satellite station.----(surf-guitar)----
"Ol' Santa's got all ya' personal information. Santa's watchin' you"...yee ee ee oo oo oo ah Ho ho hooooo.

Santa's readin' all your Christmas cards.----Santa's lookin into your back yard.---- Santa's at'cha' ATM location.
----Santa's at'cha' TV and ya' radio station----.Aaahhh ha ha ah ah Ooooh ho ho Hoooo.

AIN'T DERE NO MORE - PART I
AIN'T DERE NO MORE - PART 2
AIN’T NO PLACE TO PEE ON MARDI GRAS Day
AT THE BEACH, AT THE BEACH
CHRISTMAS IN CHALMETTE
EVACUATION DAY
44 YEARS IN SHOW BIZ AND THIS IS FAR AS I GOT
FRIDAY NITE (THE NEIGHBORHOOD MOVIE THEATERS OF NEW ORLEANS)
GARBAGE NITE
GOTTA GET A BAND/BRING ME BACK - PART 2
IF FEBRUARY 7TH WAS ALL SAINTS DAY
I GOT A USED KAZOO FOR CHRISTMAS
I THINK I JUST SEEN ELVIS IN THE MILDEW ON MY WALLS
METAIRIE O METAIRIE

NORRIS THE NOCTURNAL NUTRIA
O LITTLE TOWN OF DESTREHAN
OVER BY YOUR MAMA’N NEM
Red Light Cameras and Potholes For Auld Lang SyNE
SANTA AND HIS REINDEER GOT THEIR MODULAR HOME
SANTA AND HIS REINDEER USED TO LIVE RIGHT HEre
SANTA PUT THE HURT ON YOU
THE CREATURE FROM THE CITY PARK LAGOON
THE ELVES FINALLY RAP
THE G.E.D. FIGHT SONG
The Hubigs Pies Boogie Woogie Sing Along Flavor Song

THE SPIRIT OF SMILEY LEWIS/BRING ME BACK
THE TWELVE YATS OF CHRISTMAS

AIN'T DERE NO MORE - Part 1
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
AIN'T DERE NO MORE - PART 2
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


Where's the downtown stores
Ain't there no more
Where's the Schwegmann's stores
Ain't there no more
Where's all the stores
Ain't there no more

Everybody cried
On the Live Eyewitness news
McKenzie's got closed down
'Cause a zink was all mildewed

Well, they opened up again
But while I was in line
They all closed down, but I heard they're gonna
Open one more time

Just hotels, just hotels
More are on the way
Mr. Bingle quit at the Carlton Ritz
"Cause he can't reach the buffet..ay

Krauss is gone so you can't try on
No queen-size lingerie
But, watcha gonna do with K & B
And Schwegmann's gone away

A & G's ain't there no more
Mc Crory's ain't there no more
Waterbury's ain't there no more
Dailey's ain't there no more
Red Goose-'a ain't there no more
Them kiddies shoes-'a ain't there no more
Godchaux's Mens …On the second floor?
That's the one! ain't there no more

Maison Blanche and Holme's
Was just like dinosaurs
That roamed out in Gentilly Woods
Before it was explored

Downtown a million years
Then gone in just a blink
MB's and Holmes and dinosaurs
Are mostly all extinct

(Just hotels chorus)

Lowes State show ain't there no more
Miller Wohl ain't there no more
Leonard Krower's ain't there no more
Claiborne Towers ain't there no more
Well, Kress's then ain't there no more
'Was a "five and ten" ain't there no more
Old Grocery store with the …double screen door?
That's the one! Ain't there no more

Paw paw shopped at Schwegmann's
Forty years or more
'Cause Schwegmann's had a bar-room
Right there in the store

Paw Paw got some French bread
Then he hung around
He'd walk home with the shopping cart
So he wouldn't just fall down

(Just hotels chorus)

Labiche's ain't there no more
Kreeger's ain't there no more
Stein's is great ain't there no more
Rivergate ain't there no more

Hey, look they're layin tracks
Canal street-car is back
And Rubenstein's and Walgreens
Still right there where they at

(Just hotels chorus)

Watcha gonna do with K & B
And Schwegmann's gone away

Schwegmann's gone away
Ain't there no more
Schwegmann's gone away
Ain't there no more

(Repeat and fade)


We're gonna go out 'most every night
Checkin out all the Christmas lights,
Ain't Dere No More's, got lots to say
Listen up fast or get out the way

I tried all night in Metry
At various locals
You can't catch oysters out the
West Esplanade canal

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in Metry
And what they got that's gone

JC's…Ain't dere no more
House of Lee's…Ain't dere no more
Metry Ford…Ain't dere no more
On Metry Road…Ain't dere no more
Pelican Bowl…Ain't dere no more
Wrap' N Roll…Ain't dere no more
How 'bout the Real…Superstore
That's the one…Ain't dere no more

If your lights in St. Bernard
Stay up the whole year then
Just wait at least till Trick or Treat
Before ya plug em in

So-Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in St. Bernard
And what they got that's gone

Atlantic Thrift…Ain't dere no more
Drug Store was Trist…Ain't dere no more
Jerry La Vie's…Ain't dere no more
Broom Factory…Ain't dere no more
Cow Town…Ain't dere no more
Whole thing burned down…Ain't dere no more
West's Lumber…Cut them boards
2 x 4's…Ain't dere no more

Lakeveiw's getting swank
Coffee shops and banks
And churches where they all give thanks
For the streets that ain't yet sank

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
We'll go see lites in Lakeview
And what they got that's gone

Rockery Inn…Ain't dere no more
Velvet Swing…Ain't dere no more
Lenfant's in the back…Ain't dere no more
Smokehouse smoke stack…Ain't dere no more
Don't Cook Tonight…Ain't dere no more
Call Chicken Delight…Ain't dere no more
Lakeview Show then…Harrison Drug Store
Studio-A…Ain't dere no more

On St. Charles Avenue
They need some more de¢cor
But Audubon Park wouldn't be so dark
If the Copelands lived next door

So-- Spray Rudolf with a can of Off
And set the house alarm
We'll go see lites in Uptown
And what they got that's gone

Eiffel Tower…Ain't dere no more
Loretta's Flowers…Ain't dere no more
Swan Boat…Ain't dere no more
A Schweikhardt's float…Ain't dere no more
Beaconette…Ain't dere no more
Frank's on Feret…Ain't dere no more
The Kiddie Store…No, that's Broadmore!
Wise's…Ain't dere no more

Whatcha wanna see now…Across the river
I'm goin back home..Comin with us
Bridgebowl…Ain't dere no more
Keyhole…Ain't dere no more
Coulon's, Borne's…Hardware stores?
Don't tell me…Ain't dere no more

Belle Promenade Mall…Ain't dere no more
The stores 'n all? …Ain't dere no more
Magnolia Grill…Ain't dere no more
Wego On The Hill…Ain't dere no more
Cellar Club…Ain't dere no more
It's The Last Roundup…Ain't dere no more

Jacobson Young…Where the lights are strung
We must be goin down…Carrollton
Jim's Fried Chicken…Ain't dere no more
Homeplate still kickin? …Ain't dere no more
Pelican Stadium…Ain't dere no more
Lemme guess…Ain't dere no more
Security's…Ain't dere no more

Rueter's Seeds…Ain't dere no more
Cloverlands' Cows…Ain't dere no more
Post Office Now? …Ain't dere no more
Gerard Chevrolet…(Impala 2-Door)
Let me drive…Ain't dere no more

Whatcha wanna see now…Out by the lake
I'm goin back home…Betta just wait
The Bounty…Ain't dere no more
East End Bakery…Ain't dere no more
Schult's got the…Fresh Hardware
Bart's…Ain't hardly there

Maggie and Smitty's…Ain't dere no more
And all those kitties…Ain't dere no more
The My O My…Ain't dere no more

Bali Hai…Ain't dere no more
Dancing Fountains…Ain't dere no more
Just keep on countin…Ain't dere no more

Rosenberg's…That's The Name!
18 - 25…Tu-lane
Gus Betat's, right…Ain't dere no more
Witcha' Paw Paw's bike…Ain't dere no more
Hadocol…Ain't dere no more
The Parades 'n all…Ain't dere no more
Topaz…Where that went?
Hi Balls…25¢
Miller The Killa'…A Real Killa' Dilla'
Ain't Dere No Mooorrre

AIN’T NO PLACE TO PEE ON MARDI GRAS DAY
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
AT THE BEACH, AT THE BEACH
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
(Chorus parts adapted from “By The Beautiful Sea,”
Harold Atteridge/Harry Carrol, BMI, Public Domain)


“I gotta go. I gotta go real bad.
Ya’ll betta lemme inside, ya hear.”

Ain’t no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day. Mardi Gras Day.
Ain’t no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day. Mardi Gras Day.
No matter what you say, no matter what you pay
Ain’t no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day.

Can’t pee till you get home on Mardi Gras Day.
Mardi Gras Day.
Can’t pee till you get home on Mardi Gras Day.
Mardi Gras Day.
Even if you stay ten-thousand miles away
Can’t pee till you get home on Mardi Gras Day.
Mardi Gras Day.

You could burp, you could sneeze
You could cough, and you could wheeze
Wipe your nose right on your sleeve
But can you pee on Mardi Gras Day? . . . . No way!

You can’t pee in a taxi, that ain’t nice. That ain’t nice.
OK, just this once, no more than twice. More than twice.
But, if you leave a stain, you don’t have to be ashamed
How you think them yella cabs they got that name?

(Trombone solo)

So you step outside your car ’cause ya had to go. Had to go.
But they catch ya on the police video. Video.
Say, “Wait, cha’ll mistaken. It’s a flood, the levee’s breakin’.
And I’m evacuatin’ here with the contra-flow.”

Rich folks get to pee on Mardi Gras Day. Mardi Gras Day.
They get annoyed if they can’t void on Mardi Gras Day.
Mardi Gras Day.
So, they’re up there on their balconies
they pee all over you and me’s
Rich folks get to pee on Mardi Gras Day.

I said there ain’t no place to pee, etc. . .
If there ain’t no stalls when nature calls,
I go in front’a Gawd n’all.
Ain’t no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day. Mardi Gras Day.
(Big ending)
I said there ain’t no - No place to pee -
On Mardi Gras Day. . .I gotta go, baby. I gotta go real bad.
“But Officer, I thought the sign said Facility Street!”


I rode the Bug, rode the Whip, Flyin’ Scooters, and the Planes Before I outgrew Kiddie-Land, I drove the boats and trains
I seen Miss New Orleans, live out on the stage
I seen the Human Cannonball, fireworks displays
And you could hear the Zephyr, from the parking lot It climbed up to the top. . .then it starts to drop. . .

(Chorus)
At the beach, at the beach, at Pontchartrain Beach
We had fun, we had fun, in the rain and the heat
The fun’s all done, now there’s a fence
’Cause they’re workin on experiments
At Pontchartrain Beach

Ya just got chocolate or vanilla, and the grown-ups had a bar
And I ran every red light in the Bumper Cars
And you could shoot real rifles, imagine that today
But it wasn’t fun as comin out the Mirror Maze
The Tilt-a-Whirl was squeaky
The sno-balls, they was leaky
But the clown out front of Laugh-In-The-Dark
Was really kinda creepy. . .

(Chorus)
At the beach, at the beach, at Pontchartrain Beach
We had fun, we had fun, in the rain and the heat
I’d even wear a coat and tie to get back in the Bali-Hai
At Pontchartrain Beach

The elephant and lion were the garbage cans
They’d suck the trash right out you hand
The Bath House and the Light House, the girls all hangin out
Takin pictures where the clown said,
“Please don’t climb inside my mouth.”

Can ya still hear the Wild Maus? All that clackitty-clack
Comin round the corner like it’s goin off the track
The Fortune Teller Lady in the Penny Arcade
She could tell your fortune, butcha just got to wait. . .
“Everybody in the Penny Arcade! Let’s sing along!”

(Crowd Chorus)
At the beach, at the beach, at Pontchartrain Beach
You’ll have fun, you’ll have fun every day of the week
You’ll love the thrilling rides, laugh till you split your sides
At Pontchartrain Beach

(Repeat Crowd Chorus)
At the beach, at the beach, at Pontchartrain Beach,. . .
. . . Now it’s some kinda’ research deal
By the end of Elysian Fields
At Pontchartrain Beach

CHRISTMAS IN CHALMETTE
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
EVACUATION DAY
(New B. Antin lyrics) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
(Adapted from “Graduation Day,” H. Schroeder and R. Wagner, White Cliff)


There's a little town straight on down
The Avenue of St. Claude
With Our Lady of Prompt Succor Church
In the Parish of St. Bernard
I have been there, got-gown in there
Alas, without regret
It was a special time of year…
Christmas in Chalmette (whistle)

You could sail to Avondale across the hemispheres
Ya oughta rode the ferry boat from Lower Coast Algiers
Straight ahead at Judge Perez go right, no wait that's wrong
So turn around by Tenneco, 'cept Tenneco is gone

There's manger scenes with laser beams blinkin off and on
Just pull all the stuff you want right out on your front lawn
Three Wise Kinds and angels sing to wooden reindeer heads

Santa pose in Elvis clothes, it's Christmas in Chalmette

Wake up Christmas mornin to TV Ninja Wars
Kids in shades and roller-blades playin new guitars
Some guy got some Bond-O, he's beatin out his dents
Engines turnin up a bunch'a thousand RPM's

But sometimes late on Christmas Eve a ghost or two appears
It's Jean Lafitte and you say, John hey where's your Buccaneers
Don't get smart with ghosts you meet at Chalmette Battlefield
Don't play with them ol' cannons, 'cause they still can shoot for real (cannon)

Excuse me if I'm giddy, but let's not go back home
I've had drive-thru daquiris in cups of styrofoam
Let's go down the road, we'll get crabs soft-shelled
Can't leave this time of year

Traffic's bad as hell

You was late because you caught the bridge and train and then
Turned around and caught the train and caught the bridge again
Did you take some Polaroids of every place you've been
And visit sacred ruins like the St. Bernard Drive-In

So lemme see the pictures, what they came out bad, for true
Come back again take I-510, no-huh you that too
You're luck see, it on CD and audio cassette
This is it, it ain't no (buzzer) it's Christmas in Chalmette
Christmas in Chalmette…
(ring…bark…ratchet…fog horn…breaking glass…cannon)

Merry Christmas, Dawlin'…


You know we’ll all be totally fried - If we ever leave again
Ever leave again - Ever leave again

Ya’ll get off the sofa. Evacuation’s near
Go ahead and ride it out, but me, I’m outta here
Pack some Barq’s Cream Soda, enough for several days
Buy a bunch of batteries, D’s and double A’s

Over on the West Bank, ya betta go save ya Mama
The bridge is free for evacuees, so you’ll even save a dolla’
Splat! The waves blow over the Twin Spans on I-10
There’s the sign, I-59, so here we go again!
Do do do do

What just happened? Oh, no, it’s Contraflow!
My GPS is freaking out. It don’t know where to go
The radio fades way down low. Now it’s gettin louder
It’s slow motion Twilight Zone at thirteen miles an hour

Way past noon we’re just in Picayune, traffic’s at a crawl
We’ll get some gas in Birmingham just in time for Mardi Gras
Back the car up closer, over by the trees
How come they got no bathrooms in Mississippi?
Do do do do

I coulda been in Plaquemines, filling bags with sand
I coulda went to Metry to help crank the pumps by hand
Saturday I was watchin football, now Sunday I’m a refugee
This woulda never happened if Nash Roberts was on TV

When we stop to unpack, another one’s on the way
And we will all remember, twice in one September,
Evacuation Day - Evacuation, Evacuation
Evacuation, Evacuation
Evacuation. . . (traffic and horns). . . Day

44 YEARS IN SHOW BIZ AND THIS IS FAR AS I GOT
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
FRIDAY NITE
(THE NEIGHBORHOOD MOVIE THEATERS OF NEW ORLEANS)

(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


Well, I been forty four years in show biz,
and this is far as I got
Once I shared a marquis with Brenda Lee
shoulda seen it in the parking lot
Always thought I’d be on the charts
that’s exactly where I’m not
Forty four years in show biz, and this is far as I got

The transmission fell out of the tour bus
in downtown Birmingham
And the drummer fell out the window
at the hotel in Cheyenne
And I caught the flu in Kalamazoo
got a rash at the old Frontier
Hate to admit it but those are considered
high points in my career

And it’s been forty four years in show biz,
and this is far as I got
Had me a van with the name of the band
shoulda seen it the parkin lot
You’da’ thought I’d been all over the charts
that’s exactly where I’m not!
Forty four years and I’m still right here, and this is far as I got

Well, I used to blame my agent, and the radio stations
And the carbon dioxide crowd
And, Lord, please save us from all bass players
Who just play way too loud

I’m throwin myself a party, invitin all of my friends
Family and associates, who’s made me what I am
Now, ya’ll hide behind the sofa
and when the guest of honor arrives (“That’s me”)
Time it just right, flip on the lights
Everybody yell, “Surprise.”

Let’s celebrate! (Guitar solo)

Y’ain’t done much sinnin; you step right in.”
And then he showed me to the waitin room.
“See, ya’ life and your songs are so boring and long,
we had to add a color cartoon.” So I said,

Forty four years in show biz, and this is far as I got
That’s me the marquis, and the band in the van
Here’s a picture from the parkin lot
I guess I got some chances, they let me shoot my shot
Forty four years, I better like it here, ’cause this is far as I got

Well, it’s been forty four years in show biz,
and this is far as I got
I had some dreams, but now it seems
might’a left ’em in the parkin lot
Thought I’d save my wages and retire in Vegas
That’s exactly where I’m not
Forty four years in show biz, and this is far as I got

Forty four years, I’m glad I like it here
’Cause right here’s far as I got


Friday Nite. Where’d ja go?
Talk about the drugstore and the neighborhood show

Friday Nite, ya mama’s cookin fish-sticks
Friday Nite, callin all ya side-kicks
Friday Nite. Where’d Uptown go?
K&B’s drugstore and the Happyhour show!

Coliseum, National, Napoleon, Popla
Mecca, Gallo, Fine Arts, Granada
Lincoln, Laurel, Roxy, Prytania
Walk in the Garden and the screen’s in the back’a ya’

We don’t need no drive-in speakers
Hangin on the window lettin in mosquitos
We don’t need no all-star cast
We ain’t goin Downtown, we ain’t hi-class

It’s just Gentilly, butcha betta be good
’Cause the Fox and the Tiger’s by Gentilly Woods
Kenilworth Cinema, Peacock show
The Plaza, the Pitt, Luigi’s, Taco-Tico
Nico’s, Zeros, Jujubes,
Step right up say, “One child, please.”

Friday Nite, ya mama’s cookin fish-sticks
Friday Nite, callin all ya side-kicks
Friday Nite. Where’d Metry go?
Zesto’s ice cream, and the Areon show!

Lakeside One-Two, the Jeff, Arrow
The Metry, Grand, Joy’s, the Patio
Galleria, Rivertown, Rocky Horror, Sena Mall
Cinema 8, Esplanade, pretty much seen all a ya’ll
(Bridge) We don’t need no. . .

Dreamland, Happyland, Pics, and the Town
De’ruin’s, Famous, Delta, and the Crown
The Arabi, the Violet, the Bijou on Poland
The Dolla’ Show’s a dollar. And Gawd bless the Nola
Frost Top root beer, one to go
Cross the street to the Arabi show

Friday Nite, ya mama’s cookin fish-sticks
Friday Nite, callin all ya side-kicks
Friday Nite. Where’d Lakeview go?
Harrison Drugstore and the Lakeview show!

They had the Lakeview, the Beacon, the Robert E. Lee
That’s all they had?! Yep, just those three
But the Carrollton, Cortez, Ashton, Imperial
Right in Mid City by the Bell, and Escorial

(Bridge)
We don’t need no. . .

Circle, Delta, Rivoli-Ravolee
Isis, Gaiety, Tivoli-Tavolee
The Clabon’s gone, the Carver ain’t around
And the I-10’s up on the neutral ground
King Creole, The Shrinking Man
Tammy, Gidget, Yosemite Sam

Friday Nite, ya mama’s cookin fish-sticks
Friday Nite, callin all ya side-kicks
Friday Nite. Where’d the Westbank go?
Abalon Theatre, R-N-O Late Show!

Gordon, Gem, Oakwood, Hollywood
Royal, Beverly, Westside, Folly
Would ja’ go to the Algy, Hut to the Tower?
All gone, nada, like the Belle Promanad’a

Friday Nite, the Lake and the Star
Friday Nite, over on the Northshore
Friday Nite. If we all could still go
Friday Nite. To ya neighborhood show. . . .

GARBAGE NITE
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
GOTTA GET A BAND/BRING ME BACK - PART 2
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
(This, also, is the original audio version from 1974. No enhancements, no fillers or artificial ingredients. For betta’ or worse’a - here it is.)


“OK, all you coolest of cats and ladies.
Direct from a three night gig at Martin Brothers on St. Claude,
with tonight’s first recitation is ‘Benny Bartlow and
The Existential Lucky Dog Trio.’ Go ahead, Benny.
Make us one-with-everything. . .”

South from the mouth of the Orleans Canal
all the way to Avondale Homes
Brave young men walk into the dark
down to the curb all alone
Some start at seven, others later, eleven
and probably for the rest of their lives
On a job they must keep, twice every week
on accounta’ it’s Garbage Nite

Before halogen lighting, before recycling
when trash cans had rust and dents
Garbage had class, Coke bottles were glass
their deposit worth all of two cents
No rubber-made cans with slots for your hands
no neutral colors, no wheels
And when drug on cement, they howled in discontent
A real man’s garbage can made of steel

(Very-cool, be-bop chorus)
A no-special-knowledge
or community college job for the rest of your life
Show you’re a man. Drag out them cans,
on accounta’ it’s Garbage Nite

Now the bags could be drastic, not yet made of plastic,
just grocery bags, paper, light brown
And they were super-absorbent. That sounds real important,
but not when you’ve got hot coffee grounds
The KB bags were purple, but still never worked
till you’d double’em up the small to the largest.
They smelled drug-store clean, but burst at the seam
KB bags was no place for garbage

So, ya gotta’ think fast. Set that bag down in the grass,
but the grass is all wet, oh, that’s wrong.
Out comes old TV dinners, and used up creme-rinses
now you got garbage all over the lawn
Fish-sticks, Air-wicks, a Classic Comic “Moby Dick,”
burned up Easy Pop popcorn,
And it’s startin to smell like oyster-shell-hell
bad as West End on Saturday mornin

(Very-cool, be-bop chorus)

Then you got roaches big as Greyhound coaches,
the smart ones that run, jump, and fly
Can you feel the pressure? They’re comin to get’cha’
You can hear ’em in a small box of Tide
OK, you roaches. This here’s buenos noches,
I’m packin a can of Gulf-Spray
Then blast ’em up plenty, they’re holed up
in a empty half-gallon of Gallo Tokay
Though you feel like the Loan Ranger,
’cause these hombres are dangerous,
there’s a yell through the back window fan,
“Hey, that’s for the mosquitoes - now they all gonna eat us
Don’t waste no Gulf-Spray in them old garbage cans”

(Very-cool, be-bop chorus)

One more time! (Very-very cool, be-bop chorus, with “bop- bop-ba’-dee-dot” lyrics)

Well, now it’s way past twenty, past forty was plenty,
past fifty years takin out the trash
Down the alley, out front, in the back, where ever you want it.
I’ll step in and give it a smash
And to you who entrusted those first dented and rusted
garbage cans into my young hands
If it’s Garbage Nite. . .Yeah, ya rite. . .
I’m still your Garbage Man

(Very-very-very cool “bop-bop-ba’-dee-dot” slow-swing chorus)

On accounta’ it’s Garbage Nite. . .yeahhhh

“. . .I think I’ve heard these cats before. . .
out in San Bernadino. . .”


Yeah, wasn’t too long ago; maybe it was.
Ridin down Canal Boulevard on my Simplex, pulled
into Rockery Inn to try out my straight pipes.
The parkin lot was full - Chuggin’ Chariots, Road Rebels
were there. But all the cars with the finest girls had
names on the back, like Jokers, Corvettes, Contours.
So I figured right then and there - if I was ever gonna get any chicks,
I Gotta Get A Band.

So first ya need a name, ain’t gonna be easy ’cause all the
good ones are used up
Counts, Saxons, Emperors, Nobles. Gotta be original -
Esquires, Skyliners. Let’s see. . .The Beatles. . .nahh,
a name like that’d never make it. Uhh, Edsels...yeah,
The Edsels. Now, that’s a name, a name that could go on forever.

Now, I know a band doesn’t just happen over night;
gotta get some clothes, get some coats from the Hollywood
Tailors on Rampart Street. Got to go to Dr. Schreiber’s to get
some sunglasses for when I sing “Tell Me What I Say.”
I wonder if ya gotta be in the Musicians Union to wear
sunglasses? Seen a guitar in the window at Abe’s, a set of
bongo drums. Yeah, that’s all you need. Anything else, we’ll
get it from the Eagle Loan Company.
And that’ll be it. . .’cept maybe five or six saxophone players.

Then ya gotta figure what songs ya gonna play.
If we work at Sacred Heart we’re gonna need a lotta fast
dances at the beginning of the night, ’cause all the girls’ll
be dancin together.
We’ll do “Ten Thousand Dollar Reward,” “Call Me The
Fat Man,” Shirley and Lee things like “Feel So Good,”
and “Good Times Roll.” Later, when the guys start
dancin, we can do “Big Diamonds,” “Walkin Slowly
From You Darlin’,” do the whole Johnny Ace album,
“Valley Of Tears,” and “Taint It The Truth.”

How about makin a record. Bound to make out then.
Girls dig bands with hit records.
I heard Jimmy Clanton and Frankie Ford make records
at a place called Cosmo’s, on Governor Nicholls Street.
Think a’ that, live appearances with Jack The Cat, Saturday
Hop, on stage at Pontchartrain Beach with a big rock’n roll
show with Roland Stone. Man, we might even get big
enough some day to play the Saint Anthony dance.

I know if I had a record out, Poppa Stoppa would play it.
Maybe The Hound Dog, or Dan Diamond’d play it.
Try to get Herb Holiday. All my friends would call up and
request it on WJMR and WJBW. It’ll be on a big national
label like Minit or Ace. Make a lotta money. When I make
a lotta money, I’m gonna sell my Cushman Eagle.
Sell it?...I’ll give it away.
I’m gonna get me a Harley Hummer. Hummer?!
I’m gonna get me a One-Sixty-Five.

Can’t miss, there’s so many places to play - Redemptorist,
St. Henry’s CYO, Metairie Lodge, Germania Hall,
and The Walnut Room out by the Lakefront Airport.
When we get older we can play big time night clubs, take
The Sparks place at The Swamp Room.
Opposite Danny White at The Safari, do The Alibi, set up
an autograph table at Natal’s, The Sabu, The Sands
on Saint Charles, play real late jam sessions at The Brass Rail,
and The Monkey Bar.
We’ll be too famous to hang around The College Inn.
After the jobs, we’ll all go over to Pappa Joe’s.

Bobby Mitchell - Big Boy Miles - Benny Spellman -
Ernie K Doe - Frogman - Esqurita - Tommy Ridgley -
Earl King - Sugar Boy and The Sugar Lumps - Eddie Bo -
What we need here is a battle of the bands -
Somebody call up Earl Stanley

IF FEBRUARY 7TH WAS ALL SAINTS DAY
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
I GOT A USED KAZOO FOR CHRISTMAS
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


Saint Charles has got a Hotel, he’s got a Avenue
Saint Joan of Arc saved Orleans, we’re Orleans #2
Saint Joseph’s got the altars, the cookies and the cake
Saint Christopher watches over you
when drivin ’cross the Lake

They done alota’ miracles, long-long ago
But if they’d pitch in and help us win another Super Bowl
We’d visit the Archbishop, and ’fess-up all our sins
Then take him out to dinner, cross the street at College Inn

We’re askin Mother Superior if she thinks it’s OK
If February 7th was All Saints Day

All Saints Day - All Saints Day -
If February 7th was All Saints Day
Saint Peter and Saint Paul Street, Saint Louis to Saint Ann Saint John’s Court, Saint Ferdinand
Saint Maurice, a nice little street
that goes across Saint Claude
Just a couple’a blocks from the parish of Saint Bernard

We promise to put up the street signs
and patch up all the holes
If they help again and let us win another Super Bowl
We’ll still bring flowers to the cemetery
Butcha might hear somethin out the ordinary

It’s just a little cheering from those who’ve passed away
If February 7th was All Saints Day

All Saints Day - All Saints Day -
If February 7th was All Saints Day

Saint Anthony’s on Canal Street,
Saint Anthony’s, West Bank, too
I know just what I’m talkin ’bout, I went to Catlick’ school
Saint Francis Xavier, Metry Road; Saint Francis, Destrehan
Saint Rita’s school on Fontainbleau; Saint Rita’s, Harahan

We’d be on best behavior, or make the honor-roll
Even pay up our tuition, for another Super Bowl

All etc. . . All etc. . . All etc. . .
If February 7th was All - Saints - Day


I got a used kazoo for Christmas (kazoos)
It's kinda smooshed but what's the difference (kazoo)
I don't lend it out to strangers (kazoo)
Kazoos are hardly ever dangerous (kazoo)

I'm fixin a sammich to send to Santa (Fa la)
Delta air-freight through Atlanta (Fa la)
Don't need to be refrigerated (Fa la)
'Cause I just now accidently ate it (Fa la)
Hey Baby, kick it for me!

I'm asked to sing with the Yacht Club Chorus (Fa la)
The Commodore will just adore us (Fa la)
The members say we're all improving (Fa la)
Perhaps, I'll even shake-my-groove-thing (Fa la)
(Opera Lady & Sammich guy (Fa la)

So every day and all night long (Car alarm)
I set-off my car alarm (Car alarm)
The neighbors yelled, "Hey get a job!" (Car alarm)
Then turned into an angry mob (Car alarm)

(Kazoo and Car alarm play O Come All Ye Faithful)

I shouldn't have no carbonation (Fa la & burps)
Says so on my medication (Fa la & burps)
I was at this party having a soda (Fa la & burps)
La burp la la burp, la la burp (Fa la & burps)
A warm root-beer, then a diet-cola (Fa la & burps)
(Kazoo Kid, Opera Lady & Car alarm Fa la)

I got a part time job this fall (Kazoo)
I'm a reindeer at the mall (Kazoo)
I wear hoffies on my toes (Kazoo)
And a light with batteries up my nose (Kazoo)

(Raindeer girl with batteries in her nose, Opera Lady, Sammich guy & Kazoo Fa la)

(Everybody joins in)
I got a used kazoo for Christmas (kazoos)
It's kinda smooshed but what's the difference (kazoo)
I don't lend it out to strangers (kazoo)
Kazoos are hardly ever dangerous (kazoo)

(Everybody Fa la)
(Everybody Fa la)

I THINK I JUST SEEN ELVIS IN THE MILDEW ON MY WALLS
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
METAIRIE O METAIRIE
(Benny 'Grunch Antin) ©2003 Anzel-Anzel, BMI


I know that it ain’t Jesus, ’cause he don’t wear sunglasses
It’s way too tall, not small at all, it ain’t Jacqueline Onassis
Too dark for Michael Jackson, too light to be Ray Charles. . .
I think I just seen Elvis in the mildew on my walls

Well, ya heard about the flood, left us up to here in crud
Ya heard about the sludge and all the lootin
So I went back in with Draino, Mop’n’Glo, and Brillo
Then mixed me up some Oxyclean solution

But while bagless vacuum cleanin, suddenly I seen it
Made my 20 Mule Team Borax turn cold
Underneath the portrait of my Uncle Eddie’s trailer
I shouldn’t tell nobody else, but what the heck, here goes!

I know that it ain’t Jesus, ’cause he don’t wear sunglasses
It’s way too tall, not small at all, it ain’t Jacqueline Onassis
Too dark for Michael Jackson, too light to be Ray Charles. . .
I think I just seen Elvis in the mildew on my walls

Now here comes television cameras, reporters gone bananas
We got Homeland Security and FEMA
Scientists takin samples, the crowds all wavin candles
And a senior group on a bus from Pasadena

The Star, The Insider, The National Inquirer
Satellite and Newstalk Radio
Some network lady with the perfect hair says,
“Quiet now, goin on the air
Live with breaking news at ten, here’s what we know -

“We know that it ain’t Jesus, ’cause he don’t wear sunglasses
It’s way too tall, not small at all, ain’t Jacqueline Onassis
Too dark for Michael Jackson, too light to be Ray Charles. . .
We think we just seen Elvis in the mildew on his walls”

“Now look,” I finally said, “hey ya’ll,
ya drive me up this wall.”
Then I washed the whole thing off,
and they never come back no more
I said, “Man, I’m glad that’s over. Sure wish I had a sofa.”
And for the first time since the flood I closed the door

Behind it was this note some looters musta wrote
Said, “Sorry, but there wasn’t much to steal.”
But underneath that painting that says Uncle Eddie’s Trailer, Something kinda creeped us out, so we left it hang right here - Here’s the deal,

“We know that it ain’t Jesus, ’cause he don’t wear sunglasses
It’s way too tall, not small at all, ain’t Jacqueline Onassis
Too dark for Michael Jackson, too light to be Ray Charles. . .
I think we just seen Elvis in the mildew on your walls”
I think I just seen Elvis in the mildew on my walls
I think I just seen Elvis in the mildew on my walls


Metairie O Metairie, Take Veterans go Westerly
Startin from Lake Avenue, Wavin to construction crews
Ya betta not get jet propelled, There's Kenner Cops past Roosevelt

But Metry Cops O Metry Cops, They don't make no traffic stops
They don't file police reports, At the Bucktown Civil District Court
They don't send out for onion rings, 'Cause Metry Cops... Ain't no such thing
And that's how come we'll never watch, A cable show called Metry Cops
Chasin guys like the ones you see, In undershirts on Real TV

Metairie, Metairie, M-E-T-A-I-R-I-E
That's the way that it's supposed to be, But me; I say Metry

Lakeside Mall O Lakeside Mall, Looka that big crowd n'all
In tennis shoes at mornin' time, walkin fast for exercise
I'm keepin up but it's gettin wierd, Walkin fast while you're drinkin beer
So I'm checkin out rhe parkin lot, A zillion yellow parkin spots
They're puttin up the Christmas star, And viewing stands for Mardi Gras

Metry Cabs O Metry Cabs, Get mad when you eat boiled crabs
Jumbo shrimps that's barbequed, Sno-balls that make your teeth turn blue
But Metry cabs get really glad, When ya' wanna' go to..."Beau Revadge"?

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

Grocery stores O Grocery stores, Caution Automatic Doors !
I went to The Real Supa Store, I forgot...Ain't Dere No More
I'm tryin to improve my mind, Readin tabloids in the check-out line
I read that Harry Lee was the chauffera, Waitin outside for Operha
She was chowin down at Sal 'n Sams, With Elvis and a alien

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

Metry Lawn O Metry Lawn, Great place to go when you are gone
By the end of I-610, Right there by your Mamma,n Nem
That's where I'll take my final bow, But maybe not just right right now

(Metairie, Metairie...chorus)

Metairie, Metairie; 834- and 833-
Sorry you caught termites in your trees, But I still like Metry

Metairie, Metairie; Where ya' hardly never ever freeze
But when I got my allergies, I can still say Metry
I just say Metry; Me, I say Metry

NORRIS THE NOCTURNAL NUTRIA
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
O LITTLE TOWN OF DESTREHAN
(Benny "Grunch" Antin)© Anzel Anzel, BMI


Norris was a Nutria
Who could not get to sleep
Playin on the lawn all night long
At #3 Cypress Tree

Norris thought he was way too big
To stay on his own front lawn
He swam in the dark to West End Park
And tunneled into a restaurant

Momma and Daddy sat Norris down
With his pals on the nutrial-ground
Hey it's Christmas time, if you're not gonna sweat it
Layin wide awake in the nest ain't gonna get it

Every kid who grows, Santa knows
Every time they sleep and eat
If you can't find sheep, ya better count Jeeps
Or try warm milk with Nutria Sweet, they said

Norris, you're a Nocturnal Nutria
Norris, don't know what we're gonna do witcha'
Norris, better think about your futura

You and all your pals, out in the canals
Swimmin after dark at West End Park
We don't know where you're goin
We don't know where you been
But Santa don't come till you're really tucked in

Norris at bed time Christmas Eve
Made a stretch, did some yawns
Set the alarm, put his jammies on
Brushed his teeth till they were nice and orange

Norris wrote a Santa note
He wants a watch, a soccer ball
A jet-ski boat so he can float
In Reverse and Drive and Nutrial

Poor little Norris gotta be nocturnal
Sittin up in bed with the Ladies Home Journal
Tried CNN, elevator-FM
That's when he thought he heard Santa come in

It was just a frog on the living room log
Santa stopped to take his pill
'Fore he had to tromp through the whole wide swamp
Santa fell asleep at the Bar & Grill

(Norris chorus)
(West-End chorus)

Now it's light of day, check out Santa's sleigh
It's full of dings from the parking lot
And Mrs. Clause don't like no bars
But Santa knew he had to make on more stop

So not it's mornin, Norris is snoring
Santa looked at his lap-top screen
Norris didn't pout, he kinda watched out
Guess I'll go ahead and leave him everything, he said

Norris, you're a Nocturnal Nutria
Norris, don't know what we're gonna do witch
Norris, this is what I got for ya

A night-time pass to the Sno-Ball Stand
An underwater watch with an alligator band
Gotcha soccer ball, no jet-ski yet
But here's a little nutria size bullet proof vest

(Norris chorus)
(West-End chorus)


O Little Town of Destrehan
You're still just about three miles
From end to end where I-310
Has large and small reptiles
Yet way out on the Interstate
There's everlasting light
It's gas they blow from Shell Norco
You see it every night

Plantations grand, O there they stand
The stuff they used to grow
Was southern-fried and quick freeze-dried
Two centuries ago
If you're too poor to take a tour
And don't have time to wait
Try new Sarpy's US Post Office
Seven double-O Seven Eight

Yes…they, really jam in Destrehan
But that's not all there is
Ormand Estates' a real great place
To bring up all your kids
And in the dark you'll find it
If it's late don't make a sound
'Cause they've got class and lots of cash
So they get a neutral-ground

There's Pakistan and Big Cheyenne
Rio Grande and Bantustan
Harahan to Tammany
And Clarence Frogman Henry

But if you get lost in Destrehan
And don't know where you are
Take a right at any light
But don't get out your car
If something dark and slimy
With teeth is in your seat
You did just fine, you're on Airline
In the swamp across the street

So good night, little Destrehan
Give us a big go-cup
We gave away the mosquito spray
And the kids are all bit up
But guess who's going on a cruise
Before we get to old
To Disneyland of Afghanistan
Which ever one's not closed

Guess I'll never see Afghanistan
It it ain' on River Road.

OVER BY YOUR MAMA’N NEM
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
Red Light Cameras and Potholes For Auld Lang Syne
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
Adapted from "Auld Lang Syne", by Scottish poet Robert Burns (1759-1796)


In the summer we’d wait on the screen porch
For the song that the ice cream truck played
Run getcha nickels, to buy ya popsicles
Sometimes he’d pass twice a day

Then we would drag chairs out on the front lawn,
The metal ones that were round on the back
Sometimes they’d be yellow, now they’re just rusty metal
The sidewalk had grass through the cracks

Over By Your Mama’n Nem,
Over By Your Mama’n Nem
You wish you could go, butcha can’t no more
Over By Your Mama’n Nem

Remember how ya took lotsa buses
And ya probably never been on a plane
Did’ja start some vacations at the Greyhound Station
Your relatives came down on the train
Did your uncle pull up in his big car
The dashboard was covered with chrome
The radio stations had autolocations
Hard to believe they’re all gone

(Chorus)
Over By Your Mama’n Nem,
Over By Your Mama’n Nem
You wish you could go, butcha can’t no more
Over By Your Mama’n Nem

The clothes on the line, a new silver dime
The Fuller Brush Man, the attic fan
The grocery store had a double screen door
Run the hose on your slide, your street seemed so wide

Your house might have been on the corner
Just three or four doors away
Maybe that spot next to the old vacant lot
The one where we hung out all day

(Chorus)
Over By Your Mama’n Nem,
Over By Your Mama’n Nem
You wish you could go, butcha can’t no more
Over By Your Mama’n Nem

(Repeat chorus)
Over By Your Mama’n Nem,
Over By Your Mama’n Nem
You wish you could go, butcha can’t no more
Over By Your Mama’n Nem


Has all the maintenance been forgot on the cameras fighting crime.
Instead there's cameras on red-lights; till we're all hit from behind.
Till we're all hit from behind (rear ended!). All hit from behind.
Ya' wait for a picture of ya' license plate. (Then) pay a fine for auld lang syne.

Could all the storm-drains be so clogged, they can't never drain the rain.
The pumps all pump but the water wont dump into Lake Pontchartrain.
What's clogging up the drains this year? What's clogging up our drains?
Might be the missing evidence from the Courthouse on Tulane.

Our deepest potholes go "ker-schplott" when they swallow compact cars.
We need the "S.U.V.-Curiosity", like they drive around on Mars.
Like we're drivin' round on Mars down here. Like we're drivin' round on Mars.
And ya' know it's bad. Now I'm really sad. We got more potholes than bars.

For all the potholes, all the drains. All the red light camera fines.
We get to sneak a peak, three days a week. At the Times Picayune for Auld Lang Syne.

SANTA AND HIS REINDEER GOT THEIR MODULAR HOME
 (Benny Grunch Antin) © Anzel Anzel, BMI 
SANTA AND HIS REINDEER USED TO LIVE RIGHT HERE
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


"All aboard for the Siberian Express. If you got a problem with bein' frightfully cold, and you ridin' this train?
Baby, you 'bout to have a bad day." 

Santa got a loan, got a modular home, and the reindeer shouted out with glee..."Yeahhh!
Man, let's blow this popsicle stand, and move someplace we ain't gotta' freeze."
So they packed the sleigh tight, UPS'd it Overnite; Santa said "Everybody dress warm,
On account we're gonna catch The Siberian Express.
That sled's gonna' be there 10:00AM tomorrow mornin'."

Santa and his reindeer got their modular home and their movin in right next door.
Said, it's too cold up here for even reindeers' ears. We don't wanna' be cold no more.

Mrs. Claus was in Florida on Christmas vacation.
Left the elves by themselves at the Amtrack Station, through sleet, snow, and hail.
And the Road Home check is in the mail. The Road Home check is in the mail. 

They rode that train through Siberian terrain, as they told some North Pole stories,
Like wearin' ice skates across the Bearing Straits.
And Rudolf led a dog sled through Yukon Territory.
Came in through Montana to North Alabama, where they manufacture modular homes.
Put it on the truck, everybody wished 'em luck.
Santa's at the wheel with the CB microphone.

 Santa and his reindeer...etc...

Mrs. Claus...etc...

 (Santa plays harmonica)

 Santa got a loan, got a modular home, and the reindeer shouted out with glee..."Yeahh!
Man, let's can this popsicle stand, and move someplace we ain't gotta' freeze...Yeah!"

 Santa and his reindeer...etc...

 Sleet, snow, hale. And the Road Home check is in the mail.

 Santa and his reindeer...etc...

If we miss the Polar mammals we'll turn on the Travel Channel...

 Santa and his reindeer...etc...

It's too cold up here for little reindeers... 

"Listen up, everybody. We got celebrity passengers on the train today, Santa and his reindeer. Let's hear it for 'em. (clap-clap-clap...)
Say, Santa where ya'll headed to?" 
"Well, we're all movin down to New-Orleens. Might get a little storm.
But it shure is warm!" ("Ha ha ha ha ha ha...")


Siding on the sides, washer in the rear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

Here's a Christmas story thatcha probably didn't know
Like most Christmas stories happened long time ago
In a renovated double near Broad and St. Bernard
Lived a fat little hippy with some livestock in his yard

There was elves in and out, a refrigerated van
People thought it was a day-care or a Sno-Ball stand
Been a bunch of tenants, been a bunch of years
But Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

Time Saver save time, spent a lot of dimes
Reindeer need a lot of Icees in the summertime
Working through the rain, through Betsy's Hurricane
Wasn't just playin no reindeer games
Blitzen went to McDonaugh, Rudolf went to Colton School
It was rough bein reindeer 'fore reindeer were cool
Dasher went to Warren Easton, Donna went to Sacret Heart
She didn't make the dances but they'd meet in City Park

Porch in the front, yard in the back
Still got toys in the attic in the sack
Siding on the sides, washer in the rear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

Sold a little toys, paid a little rent
Made deliveries on the street car, it was only seven cents
They needed somethin bigger for a bigger operation
Doin lotta Greyhound Waitin-At-The-Station

They were looking at a four-door Oldsmobile
Instead bought a sleigh out the News On Wheels
Added power-steering, added power-brakes
Had that sled painted red at Fact-O-Bake

It would magically propel, but park parallel
But you know Rudolf, he don't wanna wear no helmet
Traffic, weather, "we really wanna stay"
Oh, Santa's pretty tired getting his sleigh towed away

Ok, you know where they went, OK you know it's cold up there
Ok, you know it's in the middle of everywhere
I wanna make it plain, I wanna make it clear
Santa and his reindeer used to live right here

(rap chorus)
(sing chorus)
(rap chorus)
(sing chorus)

SANTA PUT THE HURT ON YOU
(R. Lewis) (Adaptation: Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
THE CREATURE FROM THE CITY PARK LAGOON
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


Ain't no use in getting up early this mornin
Santa put the hurt on you
Might as well go back to sleep and turn off your alarm 'n now cause
Santa put the hurt on you

He made up a list and called me once or twice
Santa put the hurt on you
I told him that you wasn't even half way nice, so
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxophone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

You wouldn't eat your vegegables, you wouldn't go to bed
Santa put the hurt on you
Shoulda never got a tattoo on the top of your head, well
Santa put the hurt on you

You stay down by your grandma 'cause she needs company
Santa put the hurt on you
Then I seen you both at spring-break on MTV
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxaphone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")

So ain't no use in getting up early this mornin
Santa put the hurt on you
He ate the cookies, drank the milk, then he was gone 'n now
Santa put the hurt on you

(Saxaphone solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")
(Piano solo with "Santa put the hurt on you")


When it’s finally dark in City Park, the Creature goes outside
He can’t stand no more TV Land, so he rubs his yellow eyes
He’s got scales and a tale; when he exhales, people run away
His fins are flat; except for that, he’s pretty much OK
But they say, “Watch out, here he comes Watch out, here he comes
Watch out, here he comes! Watch out, here he comes!!”

He’s the Creature (Aaahhh!) from the City Park Lagoon
And he’d cause a fright in broad day light,
so he can’t go out too soon
He’s the Creature (Aaahhh!) from the City Park Lagoon
But he always gets in VooDoo Fest,
’cause they think he’s pretty cool

He loves to drive the golf carts, and he likes the Carousel
Ya here that Little Train late at night?
That’s him all by himself
But he really wants a sno-ball, red or blue or lime
So one day he just made up his mind,
and he goes to get in line
Everybody said, “Watch out. . .etc. . .”

He’s the Creature. . .etc. . .

Scales instead of toenails, a fin right down his back
He’s enough to make Frankenstein. . . A scaredy cat

One night at dark in City Park a man with a Cadillac car said,
“Hey, you with the fins, hop on in. Ya wanna be a movie star?”
Well, it’s TV with reality, twice weekday afternoons
It’s a double feature,
and he’s The Creature From The City Park Lagoon
They’ll say, “Watch out. . .etc. . .”

He’s the Creature (Yeaahh!) from the City Park Lagoon
And he comes on right before the news, weekday afternoons
He’s the Creature (Yeaahh!) from the City Park Lagoon
He’s a featured guest at VooDoo Fest,
with a star on his dressing room

He’s the Creature (Aaahhh!) from the City Park Lagoon
With his very own line of hair-care-slime, with Vidal Sassoon
He’s the Creature (Aaahhh!) from the City Park Lagoon
He’s got a full page interview in the Times Picayune. . .

. . .“Well, hey there, Mr. Lagoon. My little kitty-kat here, Tiggy (mmeoww), he just loves the way you smell”. . .

THE ELVES FINALLY RAP
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
THE G.E.D. FIGHT SONG
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


We, called ya'll together and we're glad you're here
Letcha' know how us elves we really feel
'Bout the toys and the shop and the gear for the deer
We're finally rappin. Can you hear us in the rear?

We're gonna start right out with a few surprises
We're all two feet tall but different sizes
Like Relf here can eat three pizza piezes
Is that right, Relfy? "Yeah, surprises."

Can we ride the roller coaster?…"Gotta be tall"
Get a Bay Watch poster?…"Too small"
Drive in the bumper cars?…"Gotta be tall"
Play electric guitars…"Too small"
Shoot a BB rifle…"Gotta be tall"
Motorcycle…"No way at all!"

When you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

These ain't our beards, ain't really our hats
And really these shoes. Where'd they get them at?
Say "Nobody's feet really looks like that."

Melfin here speaks Elfin if you need a translator
Manuelf is a glacier skater
You met Relph, elevator operator
Ol' Delf is a Elfis impersonator. "Ooooo!"

(chorus)

When you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold if you live at the pole

Tired of needin somebody big with me
Tired of seein movies all rated with G

Saturday we gotta pile in the sleigh
With Mrs. Clause, it's her grocery day

With her jewelry and her list and her hair all sprayed
She's a little old lady who drives this way

With her head all back like she's lookin up
But she can't see over no reindeer butts
And we're holdin on screamin like we must be nuts
But she won't were her glasses and her eyes freeze shut

If you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

If you're two feet tall where the north wind blows
Life can be cold when you live at the pole

(chorus)

Used to carry finger paint, cellophane tape
Maybe every now and then get a case of live bait
"AahhIIII?" Now they're getting in shape
Guess what? (clunk) The kids want weights

"We might just come up to your knees"
Need hiking, biking. "Like you might not freeze."
Get outside with the birds and the bees
Elfa-curricular activities

We got no birds and bees at the pole
Well I guess we got penguins if the truth be told
After four hundred years the job's still happenin
We got a chance here 'cause the Elves be rappin


Gimme a G...(G---!) Gimme a E...(E---!) Gimme a D...(D---!)

My Brudda’ in law went to Tulane ’n all
He’s a certified PhD
Acts like a snob, but he can’t get a job
With his Doctor of Philosophy
I told him, try to get hired before you get fired
Don’t go talkin like Socrates
Tell ’em thatcha gonna wanna be a plumma
So ya workin on ya G.E.D.

(Sing Along)
Try to get hired, before ya get fired
Don’t say nuthin ’bout Philosphy
Don’t act like a snob, and ya might get a job
Who cares aboutcha PhD
I dropped outta school, turned out pretty cool
Hey, just look at me
Academically misguided, but never been indicted
And I got my G.E.D.

G.E.D. - In your own spare time! Rah! Rah! Rah!
G.E.D. - Night school or right on line! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Reunion Committee, they’re still tryin to give me
Pictures from the senior trip
My Permanent Record must be infected
They shoulda knew by now I quit
Got no pieces of the goal post
Wasn’t hot for the Homecoming Queen
Never had to get bombed at no high school prom
’Cause I got my G.E.D.

G.E.D. - In your own spare time! Rah! Rah! Rah!
G.E.D. - Night school or right on line! Fight! Fight! Fight! Yeahhh. . .

Try to get hired, before ya get fired
Don’t say nuthin ’bout Philosphy
Don’t act like a snob, and ya might get a job
Who cares aboutcha PhD
I dropped outta school, turned out pretty cool
Hey, just look at me
Academically misguided, but never been indicted
And I got my G.E.D.

Gimme a G...(G---!) Gimme a E...(E---!) Gimme a D...(D---!)
Gimme a I...(I---!) Gimme a T...(T---!)
At DEL...(At DEL!) GADA...(GADA!)
Tell me, Whadda ya got. . .“GED-IT-AT-DEL-GADA?”. . .
Yeahhh!

I got thrown outta St. Aloysius in 1963
So I had to go to Delgada’ and I got my G.E.D.
(General Equivalency Diploma!)
And I Got My G.E.D. . . . Got My G.E.D.

The Hubigs Pies Boogie Woogie Sing Along Flavor Song
©(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
Adapted from "Auld Lang Syne", by Scottish poet Robert Burns (1759-1796)
THE SPIRIT OF SMILEY LEWIS/BRING ME BACK
(B. Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI
(This is the unaltered original version from 1974. No tricks or digital enhancement.
This is exactly how it was on the original 45 record, first released in the late fall of 1974.)


Well I call my Baby my Hubigs Cutie Pie.
She's the peach and cherry apple of my eye.
From her fillin' to her wrapper, she's exactly what I'm after.
And she calls me Savory Simon the pieman guy.

I bring her Peach, bring her Apple, bring her Lemon, bring her Cherry.
Strawberry, Sweet Potato, Pineapple, and Blueberry.
Chocolate, Coconut, Blackberry. Daddy'o we're snackin'.
Then she sits right here and whispers in my ear,
"I need me a couple'a napkins!"

Me and my Baby love them Hubigs Pies.
Each night I bring one home and she acts surprised.
Or sometimes just to tease her, I'll hide it in the freezer.
And she'll toast it up real quick, so the fillin' stays cold inside.

I bring her Peach, bring her Apple, bring her Lemon, bring her Cherry.
Strawberry, Sweet Potato, Pineapple, and Blueberry.
Chocolate, Coconut, Blackberry done won me over.
Then she sits right here and whispers in my ear,
"I sent one to my sister in Houma!"

Well we done up the house in a Hubigs color scheme.
The kitchen's in apple, and the front room's chocolate cream.
Didn't need no decorator. Just went in with all the flavors.
And we'll see ya' from the cover of the Southern Livin' magazine.

I bring her Peach, bring her Apple, bring her Lemon, bring her Cherry.
Strawberry, Sweet Potato, Pineapple, and Blueberry.
Chocolate, Coconut, Blackberry, they keep gettin' better.
She goes, "Honey, fa'true" (with her Hubigs tatoo),
"Hope they stay here fa'ever!"

She gets Peach - Apple - Lemon - Cherry.
Strawberry - Sweet Potato - Pineapple - Blueberry.
Chocolate - Coconut, then she says to me, "Honey, I tell'ya."
"I love every crumb, right'na, I really need some..."
"Hope they got a whole bunch they can sell ya'!"



Can you still remember long before the Twist came
When Fats called himself The Fat Man
’cause he weighed two hundred pounds
Parked my two-speed Cushman Eagle
at Krupp’s out by the lake front
Rolled my Camels in my tee shirt sleeve
drank that Dixie down

Bring me back - A loaf of Tip Top bread
Bring me back - My Frost Top mug’s still cold
Bring me back - Jukebox at City Park swimmin pool
Bring me back to New Orleans Rock’n Roll

No motel on the corner of Carrollton and Tulane
Pelicans and Little Rock, playin ball
Uncle Earl K. Long shakin hands with Mayor Morrison
Spirit of Smiley Lewis hangin round Germania Hall

Bring me back - A nickle for the ferry
Bring me back - King cake parties, do the stroll
Bring me back - Some fireworks from Bucktown
Bring me back to New Orleans Rock’n Roll

My chick lived way in Kenner, barely had a Vetrans’ Highway
That’s a long drive for my Kaiser, but she’s tuff-a-nuff
Tell her folks we’re at the CYO, park all night at Lenfant’s
Next day guys all wanna know if she let cha do enough

Bring me back - West End Basin
Bring me back - To O’Shaughnessy’s to
Bowl Bring me back - Jack The Cat
Bring me back to New Orleans Rock’n Roll

Bring me back - Two Tony’s
Bring me back - Safari Room
Bring me back to New Orleans Rock’n Roll

Bring me back - Wego Inn
Bring me back - Joy Lounge
Bring me back to New Orleans Rock’n Roll

Bring me back - Saint Dominick’s dance
Bring me back - Swamp Room
Bring me back to New Orleans. . .Rock’n Roll

THE TWELVE YATS OF CHRISTMAS
(Benny "Grunch" Antin) ©Anzel Anzel, BMI


1. On'da foist day'a Christmas mah
Mawmaw gave'to me a Crawfish'dey
Caught in Arabi

2. In'da Christmas Picayune I seen it
Dere'n Section E, Tujaque's Recipe

3. On'da thoid day' a Christmas we
Stopped at McKenzie for Three French Breads

4. On the fourth day I said OK let's get a
Christmas tree Before'ya Drive Me Nuts

5. On the fifth day of Christmas we
stopped at A&G for Frrried Onion Rrrings

6. On'da sixth day'a Christmas we
stopped at K&B's for a Six Pack'a Dixie

7. Cemetery traffic got backed up to
Metairie at the Seventeenth Street Canal

8. On'da eighth day of Christmas me and
Rosalie Ate By'ya Mama's

9. On the ninth day of Christmas we drove
down Delery in'da Lower Ninth Ward

10. I used'ta be at Kaiser now I'm woikin
down'da street at'da Tenneco Chalmette Refinery

11. On the eleventh day at Vetran's
Highway try'ta cross the street with Eleven Schwegmann Bags

12. On the twelfth day of Christmas my
true love gave to me a Dozen Manuel's Tamales



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